Saturday, June 18, 2011

Eight fears

Really? I have to narrow it down to 8 fears? This could be harder than I thought, but here goes nothing.....

1. Vomit. Have I mentioned this before? Because it really is one of my biggest fears in life. When I was pregnant I actually worried that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom because I wasn't sure I could deal with vomit. But I have dealt it with and I survived. I have a post written in my head all about that experience but even thinking about it makes me wonder, "Is my stomach hurting?".

2. Silence. I often feel as though I must fill every moment of my children's day with something. Knowledge, rhymes, wisdom, loving affirmation of their feelings. When I find myself being silent, I wonder if this was the moment I missed. Maybe that's why my daughter never stops talking....

3. Flying. I still have to hold my mom's hand during takeoff. Makes it hard when I have to be the mom. Sometimes you just want your mommy, even when you're 30.

4. Not being hired when I go back to work. Sure, my masters in Special Ed and Deaf Ed sounds fancy now, but who is going to hire a 40 year-old with only 4 years experience in the classroom. Especially one that forgot how to sign in the mean time.

5. Raising a boy. I love my little man like I could have never imagined. But he is so foreign to me. Seriously, I have no idea what to do with this little child who loves to throw and hit but is more cuddly than anyone else I know. Not to mention, do they sit or stand for potty training?

6. Newborns. Yes, I want at least one more child. But the scary part is that they start as newborns. And I don't do well with no sleep. Or babies who won't nap unless you hold them. Or walking circles around your house making those magic " shushing" sounds. But I really can't wait for another one.

7. My kids turning into me. I really hope my less than wonderful qualities didn't get passed onto my children. I guess this is when I say I'm scared of raising a girl.

8. Not seeing my family in Heaven. Really. I deal with a fear of death because I believe we will meet again in Heaven. Now I just have worry about getting everyone there. That's a lot of responsibility as a mom. But I believe it's my greatest responsibility and I gladly accept.

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