Eight fears

Really? I have to narrow it down to 8 fears? This could be harder than I thought, but here goes nothing.....

1. Vomit. Have I mentioned this before? Because it really is one of my biggest fears in life. When I was pregnant I actually worried that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom because I wasn't sure I could deal with vomit. But I have dealt it with and I survived. I have a post written in my head all about that experience but even thinking about it makes me wonder, "Is my stomach hurting?".

2. Silence. I often feel as though I must fill every moment of my children's day with something. Knowledge, rhymes, wisdom, loving affirmation of their feelings. When I find myself being silent, I wonder if this was the moment I missed. Maybe that's why my daughter never stops talking....

3. Flying. I still have to hold my mom's hand during takeoff. Makes it hard when I have to be the mom. Sometimes you just want your mommy, even when you're 30.

4. Not being hired when I go back to work. Sure, my masters in Special Ed and Deaf Ed sounds fancy now, but who is going to hire a 40 year-old with only 4 years experience in the classroom. Especially one that forgot how to sign in the mean time.

5. Raising a boy. I love my little man like I could have never imagined. But he is so foreign to me. Seriously, I have no idea what to do with this little child who loves to throw and hit but is more cuddly than anyone else I know. Not to mention, do they sit or stand for potty training?

6. Newborns. Yes, I want at least one more child. But the scary part is that they start as newborns. And I don't do well with no sleep. Or babies who won't nap unless you hold them. Or walking circles around your house making those magic " shushing" sounds. But I really can't wait for another one.

7. My kids turning into me. I really hope my less than wonderful qualities didn't get passed onto my children. I guess this is when I say I'm scared of raising a girl.

8. Not seeing my family in Heaven. Really. I deal with a fear of death because I believe we will meet again in Heaven. Now I just have worry about getting everyone there. That's a lot of responsibility as a mom. But I believe it's my greatest responsibility and I gladly accept.

Nine Loves

Time for my next list.

Nine Loves

1. Early bedtimes and late mornings. Don't usually get both, but a mom can hope.

2. Nap time. Seems like I must love when my children are in bed. Hmmm...

3. Watching my kids play together. They are just at the beginning stages of this and it usually turns into wrestling, but I love those few moments when they are laughing and playing together as I stand by and watch.

4. My hospital stay after my babies are born. I can't even believe some moms have their babies at home and miss out on the hospital stay. It's constant cuddling with your precious new baby, catching up on tv shows with your husband, people bringing you whatever you want, sitting in your pjs for 3 days, and someone taking your baby at night and only waking you for feedings.

5. Muffin Tin Meals. If you haven't heard of these, you need to learn. My kids basically just eat snack foods for meals anyway. This arranges them in a 6 muffin tin and your kids will magically eat.

6. Grandparents. I am definitely one of those moms that takes full advantage of the grandparents. I happily let them take over parenting duties whenever possible. And I don't feel guilty. One day I hope to get to do the same for my grandkids.

7. Cheeseburgers, French fries, and Coke. I'm not sure what that has to do with being a mommy but I feel it deserves a place on any list of things I love.

8. Leg hugs. I love the feeling of a little one tugging at my skirt or getting an unexpected hug when doing the dishes.

9. Gymboree and Baby Gap. Heck, I like any kids clothes. Just another reason I love grandparents.

These loves are, of course, in addition to everything else I love that is more important than any of these things. I really do LOVE my life. I am so blessed that I could never make a list of all the things I love. But it would start with Jesus, my husband, my kids, my family and cheeseburgers. I am one happy girl with a lot of joys and a lot of love.

Oh, and I really love comments on my blog. You guys are really nice to me. And I like to know people are reading. :)

Lists

Have you seen the 10 Day You Challenge that is going around on different blogs? I have no idea where it started and I'm probably not supposed to be stealing ideas from other people, but I've seen it a few times and I'm too new to blogging to know how to properly give credit in the blog world.

I'm such a sucker for lists. I'm one of those people who has to fight the urge to fill out every list survey I get in email. But I dont usually fill them out because I figure very few people actually care about my favorite flavor of ice cream or the last person I kissed. In fact, I should probably have a blog that is only lists.

Actually, that's not a bad idea....

Any way, this "Challenge" I have seen in blogs is right up my alley. It is a set of ten lists: ten secrets, nine loves, eight fears, seven wants, six places, five foods, four books, three films, two songs and one picture of yourself. Since my blog is technically not just about me but about being a mom, I thought I would try this challenge with a mom twist.

So, here I go: Ten Secrets

1. I get really bored when playing with my kids. Even though watching their imagination is one of my all time favorite things, I can only pretend to go on a picnic so many times. I would rather just observe.

2. I am looking forward to my daughter going to preschool. I have heard so many mothers talk about how much they are going to miss their preschoolers. Although it will be sad to see my baby starting this next phase of her life, I am actually really excited about a few hours of her doing something that is not with me.

3. I let my kids watch too much TV every day that we spend at home. The truth is, we spend SO much time running around and going places, that I don't feel too guilty when we spend a day watching a few too many shows.

4. I gained 42 lbs with my first pregnancy and 54 with my second. Although I hated having to lose the weight, I love eating anything I want.

5. I get a really huge belly when I pregnant, and I love it. Secretly, I would hate to be a tiny pregnant person. I want to start "showing" right away.

6. I let my daughter eat and drink in the living room. My husband doesn't really like this but I don't think it's worth the battle. I just make sure to clean up the crumbs before he comes home.

7. I miss my old job. I taught Deaf children and was really proud of what I did. I like that it was unique. Most people who know me now just know me as a mom.

8. I get really disappointed on the days my daughter naps. If she doesn't nap, I get to put her in bed by 7:30. I love the early bedtime. I always use that time to catch up on my reality television.

9. I don't believe in making kids eat things. Although my daughter is required to try what I am serving for dinner and can only have treats if she chooses to eat healthy foods, I'm not going to have food battles. That is one thing I learned in my early childhood classes: they won't starve and they won't go to prom in a diaper. I secretly get really annoyed when parents force their kids to eat something.

10. I can't wait to have another baby. In fact, I'm counting down the days until it's time to start trying. I have about 208 days to go.

Today Is The Day

Technically, I guess yesterday was the day. It was the day I decided to start exercising again. Not taking a 30 minute walk to the park and back kind of exercise. Not doing 25 squats while bouncing a fussy baby kind of exercise. I mean REAL exercise.

I mean Jazzercise.

That's right. I not only drive a minivan. I do Jazzercise.

And I love it!

Our local Jazzercise has a program that offers free unlimited classes if you volunteer an hour a week in their childcare. I have been a little reluctant to sign on because I was too afraid to commit. For some reason, being a stay at home mom makes it really hard to commit to an kind of schedule - maybe because I love that my job has no "real" schedule. Hard to give that up.

But I finally decided that making a commitment to exercise was probably pretty important. So I signed up.

And yesterday was my first official class. It's funny how quickly I have gotten out of the habit of exercise. It felt so foreign to put on a sports bra, pack my bag, and grab my water bottle. And I cant pretend I wasn't really nervous. What if I passed out from not being able to breathe? What if my heart exploded from overload? What if I threw up like they do on Biggest Loser? What if my son screamed the whole time in childcare and the other moms couldn't enjoy their workout?

Thankfully, none of that happened. I was a little out of breath but in a good "This will all be worth it" kind of way. My heart didn't explode and I didn't puke (although I did make sure I had an escape route in case I needed to) And the music was so loud I couldn't tell if my kids were screaming or not.

There were a few times I wasn't sure I could do another attitude leg lift. And I did have to conveniently adjust my weights a few times to give myself a break. But the older lady in front of me sure did motivate me. I used to be a dancer for Pete's sake! Jazzercise was not going to get the best of me!

And in the end, it felt really good. My body felt good. And it felt so good to be doing something for myself, for one hour, without the kids.

So, I'm committed. I'm going to Jazzercise. A least twice a week. Or maybe more if I can get over the guilt of putting my kids in childcare.

No Interruptions Please

We're in a local coffee shop that has some toys. Both of the kids were awake at 2:00 and I couldn't imagine the rest of the rainy afternoon in the house trying to entertain the kids and referee arguments. Coffee shop was a good idea, right?

I put the kids in the play section so I wouldn't have to chase them while I ordered my coffee. At the counter, I ordered my drink and then yelled across the cafe to my daughter, "Do you want anything to drink?".

She looked at me in the midst of playing with a pretend phone but didn't respond. I tried to make my question more specific, "Do you want some water?".

She looked at me, took the phone from her ear and responded, "I'm in the phone mom"

Oh. Guess I shouldn't have interrupted. Next time I'll wait patiently. Another lesson learned.

You Know You're a Mom...

In honor of Mother's Day, here is a list of a few ways you might know you are a mom.

When you finally blow-dry your hair for the first time in who-knows- when, all of your friends ask if you got a hair cut.

When you tell the hair stylist who cuts your hair every six months that you part your hair in the middle, (where you have been parting it since college), she exclaims, "Did you know the middle part is coming back in style?"

Even though you used to go out for the night at 9:00, when you are driving a baby around at 1:00 in the morning, you are completely shocked at the amount of people who are not only out in the middle of the night but dressed in something other than pajamas as well.

You can put in a DVD, pass out snacks, and retrieve dropped toys - all while driving.

During award season, you don't recognize most of the actors, you've never heard any of the songs, and you have seen 1 1/2 of the movies ( you feel asleep in one because you tried to watch it after the kids went to bed)

You are always the best dressed at church because it's your only opportunity to wear your nice clothes and heels.

Your best dressed for church also includes a little spit up.

When you are driving in your car by yourself, it takes you five minutes before you realize you are singing along to Old McDonald on the radio

You look forward to the dentist; it's nice to lay back and not have to talk.

Breakfast is eaten standing up.

You love when Daddy (or grandpa or uncle) is around so you don't have to do the roughhousing.

You know the tune to this: Backpack, backpack. Backpack, backpack.

You write a list about being a mom for a Mother's day, and finally get it finished a few days late.

You start a blog about the craziness of being of mom, and can't seem to keep up because being a mom is just too crazy.

You consider Mother's Day a day off.

Happy Mothers Day!

Down the Drain

My daughter likes to throw things. Not balls. In fact, she probably inherited my ball throwing skills. She likes to throw things when she's mad. I don't know who she inherited that from.

So the other day we were in the bathroom washing her hands and something I did made her really mad. Honestly, I dont even remember what was making her so mad. But she was frustrated and needed to take it out on something. she picked up a tiny plastic flower pot that belongs to her doll house and threw it across the room. Of course, it landed right in the open, just used, potty.

Here was my opportunity for a little natural consequences style parenting. I remained calm and said, "I am so sorry that landed in the toilet. It's gone now. We can't throw our things because they can get broken or lost."

She was pretty upset. It was working. She was crying and talking herself through what had just happened: "I was frustrated and I threw my toy and now it is gone forever and we can't get it.". I was pretty sure the consequences were sinking in.

As soon as we were done washing her hands, I had decided I would probably fish that little toy out of the toilet. The lesson had been learned and my daughter had suffered long enough. So, I reach over to grab the towel and I hear a flush.

Thank you little brother.

Lesson learned.